No one ever wants to imagine their loved one at risk. But elder abuse happens more often than most people realize, and it’s not always obvious.
Whether your mom is still sharp as a tack at home, or your uncle is settling into a memory care facility, keeping them safe is a team effort. Here’s how you can watch out for warning signs, protect those who matter most, and, if needed, act quickly.
Spotting the Red Flags
Elder abuse takes many forms—physical, emotional, financial, or neglect. Sometimes it’s a new bruise that shouldn’t be there, so-called “accidents” that happen again and again. Other times, it’s a sudden change in mood, being withdrawn, or a loved one who once checked their bank statements now seems totally confused by missing money.
If you visit and your usually talkative parent goes quiet as soon as a certain caregiver walks in, trust your gut. Listen if they mention someone yelling, threats, or being treated roughly. Even poor hygiene or bedsores can be silent screams for help.
Look for lists of signs and situations to keep on your radar—because not all scars are visible.
Looking Out While Respecting Their Independence
You want to help, but you also want your loved one to have independence and dignity. Check in regularly, not just by phone. Face-to-face visits, even quick ones, can reveal a lot. Bring up money and health in regular conversation. “Did you get all your mail this week?” or “How are your bank accounts?” feels less threatening than the big “Have you been scammed?” question.
If your loved one lives in a memory care facility, pop in at surprising times now and then. Notice how staff talk to residents and each other. Even a cheerful “hello” can open conversations—and sometimes lets your loved one know you’re paying attention.
What to Do if You Suspect Abuse
Now here’s the tough part: if you suspect something’s wrong, don’t sweep it under the rug. Start by documenting what you see—dates, descriptions, and any stories your loved one shares. Take photos if there’s visible harm (if you’re comfortable).
Talk to your loved one privately if you can. Sometimes all it takes is, “I noticed you seemed down lately. Is there anything you want to talk about?” If they mention abuse—or you witness something firsthand—take it seriously, even if it’s subtle.
Report your concerns to local Adult Protective Services. They’re trained for these situations and know how to help. If someone’s in immediate danger, call 911.
Keeping Loved Ones Safe, Together
Above all, trust your instincts. You don’t need all the answers to take action, just the courage to speak up. Checking in, asking questions, and stepping in early can mean a world of difference. Your vigilance—and your love—are often the best shields against harm.